I am back from Bipolar Hell into the body again, and I thought this a good time to begin this anew. I write constantly, daily -- most of it indignant posts on Huffpo or a series of nicely crafted 140 character rants on Twitter -- but I have got to come to grips with this writing thing -- it's got me.
When I'm ON -- as in not in bed for 3 years after a familial drama including all the elements of today's tragedies -- real estate, the crash, dreams of securing a future intersecting with a financial collapse, and finally, being fleeced by every single human (oh stop it, not all of them) who came into contact with me/us.
Bipolar people have NO business deciding that they should build homes and lead expensive projects with young relatives who turn out to be either moonlighting behind my back or falling in love and squandering everything without thought to the fact that it was my money.
Hard luck, yes. Me and everybody else in the world, though. But I'm plenty ticked off, as in circumstances like this you realize what a complete dumbass you are to have so deeply trusted unreliable people. It is one of my greatest weaknesses. I am the sucker that's born every minute.
You might wonder what all this has to do with the subject line. Ha, and well you should ask. You see, I love Christmas. I love the smells and the lights against the dark, and i love having our annual Christmas Party -- for the Orphans of the Storm. LOVE LOVE LOVE.
The last 3 years have been remarkably different for us since we fell topsy turvy from ease into penury. We've managed to luck out and get trees a few years in a row, but for 3 years there have been no prezzies. There hasn't been any heat either. However, despite the rage I feel at the Machine that has brought us to this -- I am uncommonly cheerful.
i have decorated my laptop screen with a scene that's like -- oh, from one hundred years ago, with little cottages and sleighs and snow. That makes me so happy. We have no tree and absolutely no presents, but that means I don't have to stress about anything -- I can just enjoy the time with my family when my daughters come home -- a terrible fate. ;-)
Oh no, no no no. I think that's why I'm so happy -- no Christmas stress, no more shopping for stuff nobody wants! No stress, except for fighting foreclosure, engaging in lawsuits and all that we ordinary Americans have to put up because our financial/political systems are corrupt.
Sick sick sick of political corruption. But very entertained at the nature of the Christmas specials this year, which on Fox this Sunday were quite dark -- revolving around the exhaustion of Santa Claus, the enslavement of elves and feral reindeer that ate one another when left alone, hahahaha! Yes, the glorious Christmas season has been -- on television anyway -- transformed into a black dystopian feast for those of us who are either sick of the stress, or -- let's face it -- too poor to buy anything, but secretly relieved!
Not at being poor, god no. But of the obligation to keep up the tradition of giving stuff this one day to the people you love. I'm trying to get rid of my beautiful things anyway, one by one or more -- I don't need to be convinced to cut back. I just need to be convinced to avoid strangling my mate when he brings home ANYTHING FROM A GARAGE SALE, 25 cents or not. We drown in stuff; we alone would occupy a significant amount of ocean footage with our debris, and I am ashamed.
I repent. Now I am impoverished, so it doesn't really count, this sort of repentance. Although I've always "reduced, re-used and re-cycled" cause that's just who I am. It's a Mars in Virgo thing, a desire to tend the earth. No more plastic from China, please -- even rubber duckies. We can make our own damned rubber duckies.
So tonight was filled with drunk Santas, bleeding Santas, cannabalistic reindeer with glowing red demon eyes and every possible version of the new U.S.A. Weimar Republic Christmas, in my opinion. So let's enjoy our freedoms while we still have them.
I've just enjoyed the freedom to go from well-off to poor without anyone asking me if allowing a giant ripoff by the banks was okay with me. It damned well wasn't and isn't, and that's why I think the Christmas programs this year are so dark. WE deserve a lump from old Black Peter (look it up) -- a lump of coal in our made-in-Chinese stockings just for being so god-damned greedy.
The best one was a "Family Guy" episode where Stewie and Brian discovered that there REALLY is a Santa Claus, but he was on death's door and the elves were dropping dead from over-use and these terrible gruesome reindeer, as mentioned above, were eating one another -- all because of our GREED and lust for more. Every show had similar themes (of course, except for "The Simpsons" it was a Seth MacFarlane night) and maybe we ought to take them to heart. On "Family Guy" they settled upon each having one present, one REALLY special present! I think we can manage that!
We'll all get through this somehow. One day at a time one day at a time one freaking day at a time one one one -- happy holidays, all!! xoxox