Tuesday, February 3, 2009

February 03, 2009

It is difficult to watch the President manfully struggle through picking the right cabinet. The headiness of those glorious moments has died down, leaving us all in our various outposts -- together or alone, however we might find ourselves. Relieved that the final catastrophic slide into some sort of right wing Sunday-Go-To-Meeting NIGHTMARE SOLUTION hadn't happened, gladdened to witness the survival of the electoral process, sobered by our individual and collective sense of responsibility and commitment to do the right thing, whatever that might be. Of course it's never so simple, is it? And I don't know if it is wrong of me to take solace in knowing I am not alone.

I find myself with the good fortune of still, barely having a house. But this house and I, we have our problems. First of all, neither one of us will ever see 30 again. This winter we lost our heating system. Yes, the thing exploded for the last time. This has been the winter where -- in one short month -- the vast quantities of wood piled in short stacks all around the yard has been burned, baby, burned. My sweetie and I shiver at night deliciously when we pile in bed together to watch Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert -- waking up enrobed in three cats randomly splayed all over us. That's pretty cute, but it's not cute to feel trapped by cold. In fact, it can be deeply traumatic.

Of course I am in California, where it's warm outside and the houses are all cold. My relatives from back east are always too cold here. They'd REALLY be too cold now. The thing is, I don't know and I mean I DO NOT KNOW when I will be able to get this thing you call an HVAC system . It costs several thousand dollars, and I am behind on my property taxes and cannot work in a conventional office. I am so behind in so many ways. I distract myself online looking through "work at home" opportunities, even though I know they must be mostly bogus. The things I need to do, I don't? I never prepared myself for this, I must say. I honestly thought I was finally on the right track.

Bi polar disorder kicks you the curb if you go through stressful, and I mean it kicks you hard.  Approximately 20 - 25 % of bi polar people attempt suicide, and a good many succeed.