I mentioned the other day that I had a "feeling" my younger daughter was closer than I thought she'd be, and sure enough, she surprised the hell out of me the other day by sauntering in the door one fine evening. She was in full retreat from the UK winter -- London post-riots and pre-winter was just too much for a California girl to bear.
I am lucky to be able to keep her for a while,
for her response upon walking into our house was deep despair. Finally,
after 10 years of being away most of the time, when she got a good look
at the dear family home, a miserable combination of financial disaster,
two physically/mentally disabled adults (one a hoarder dear god) -- she
almost left right then and there.
But the woman who
came home is a vastly different person than the girl who left. To my
shock, this new (to me), fully responsible human came home and began to
shovel out the Augean Stables. This is an ancient Grecian mythological
reference to a stable that never could be cleaned, no matter how hard
the person worked. So it would seem at my house after 27 years of
raising children, becoming permanently spinally injured and then losing
the money I had to pay a friend to clean house for us.
My sweet Patrick is a true-to-life-watch-it-on-the-television-show
Hoarder -- from "Hoarders" -- we are trying to change our lifestyles,
and it is a difficult thing indeed. As someone who has taken the mighty
plunge over Niagara Falls without a barrel financially lately -- had a
home stolen by a bank and a relative as well -- my mind has disappeared
in the process, and once things start to get away from you they don't
fall back together very easily -- I feel like Humpty Dumpty. All the
King's Men are here, trying to shove me and my mess together, but they
cannot do it, man!
My daughter has been more and more
annoyed as the depths of the chaos is revealed, and I cannot blame her.
I think parents are supposed to be more adult than I've been able to be
-- this brain thing has really gotten in my way, this bi polar disorder
-- not to mention being crushed by the economy. My girl thinks I've
also got Borderline personality disorder, and me -- besides feeling like
a loser, I - I - "wish I had a river I could skate away on." (Joni
But one day at a time; we just paddle on one day at a time.