Secret Santa!! We had a Secret Santa!!!

WOW! As most of you know things have been difficult for us financially! Patrick worked for 2 weeks selling newspapers and got $35 for freezing his rear off. I was sitting upstairs feeling destitute when he walked in with a few Christmas cards. One, from a "secret Santa", contained a generous check; I started sobbing. 

Because of my nature (the sucker that is born every minute) I have been fleeced by every person who could possibly manage it -- not of course by my real friends, but by people who seemed real.  I had money, and when I had it I gave away as much as I could -- I had about 25 charities I gave to each year and now I'm the one needing help.  Well, I never fancied myself the Queen of Society in any case, but I never imagined facing homelessness or even moving, ever!

I want to express my deepest thanks to OUR SECRET SANTA for this life saving gift. We were so low and frightened -- literally indigent -- when we received it, and to feel that somewhere out there somebody cared enough for us to reach out in such a fashion touched me so profoundly it set off those "will to live" hormones which keep failing me.  It also set off the tears of joy/pain that love brings. They didn't even want any acknowledgment (although I have my guesses!!), just to help us.  That is a lovely example of a Visitation from the Spirit of Christmas!  God Bless Us, Every One!!!


So this week has begun well -- last week ended with me having a Pro Bono Lawyer literally fall into my lap, and today, along with Patrick's check for $35, we had a Secret Santa!  

Life is Beautiful.

As I have said to others -- forgive me for bleeding all over you while we go through what millions others are silently enduring.  I'm not going to be quiet.  I'm not going to be ashamed.  I will be one of the voices of outrage that need to be heard in this nation, which, as Keith Olbermann says, is ON FIRE.

Anyway, here's to those that Love and show it.  Here's to those who reach out to their friends in times of darkness.  Here's to all those who keep us in their hearts even though they are feeling as helpless as we do!  Thanks, Santas -- we love you!  And y'all come and celebrate with us Christmas night!  Any old time will be all right, whether for dinner or just a bite.  All we wanna do is hug you tight!!  (spontaneous rhyming is a sign of bipolar disorder).  I used to practice this form of daughter torture!)

A Dystopian Christmas to Us?

Hello again.

I am back from Bipolar Hell into the body again, and I thought this a good time to begin this anew.  I write constantly, daily -- most of it indignant posts on Huffpo or a series of nicely crafted 140 character rants on Twitter -- but I have got to come to grips with this writing thing -- it's got me.

When I'm ON -- as in not in bed for 3 years after a familial drama including all the elements of today's tragedies -- real estate, the crash, dreams of securing a future intersecting with a financial collapse, and finally, being fleeced by every single human (oh stop it, not all of them) who came into contact with me/us.

Bipolar people have NO business deciding that they should build homes and lead expensive projects with young relatives who turn out to be either moonlighting behind my back or falling in love and squandering everything without thought to the fact that it was my money. 

Hard luck, yes.  Me and everybody else  in the world, though. But I'm plenty ticked off, as in circumstances like this you realize what a complete dumbass you are to have so deeply trusted unreliable people.  It is one of my greatest weaknesses.  I am the sucker that's born every minute.


Sigh.


You might wonder what all this has to do with the subject line.  Ha, and well you should ask.  You see, I love Christmas.  I love the smells and the lights against the dark, and i love having our annual Christmas Party -- for the Orphans of the Storm.  LOVE LOVE LOVE.  


The last 3 years have been remarkably different for us since we fell topsy turvy from ease into penury.  We've managed to luck out and get trees a few years in a row, but for 3 years there have been no prezzies.  There hasn't been any heat either.  However, despite the rage I feel at the Machine that has brought us to this -- I am uncommonly cheerful.


i have decorated my laptop screen with a scene that's like -- oh, from one hundred years ago, with little cottages and sleighs and snow.  That makes me so happy.  We have no tree and absolutely no presents, but that means I don't have to stress about anything -- I can just enjoy the time with my family when my daughters come home -- a terrible fate.  ;-) 

Oh no, no no no.  I think that's why I'm so happy -- no Christmas stress, no more shopping for stuff nobody wants!  No stress, except for fighting foreclosure, engaging in lawsuits and all that we ordinary Americans have to put up because our financial/political systems are corrupt.


Sick sick sick of political corruption.  But very entertained at the nature of the Christmas specials this year, which on Fox this Sunday were quite dark -- revolving around the exhaustion of Santa Claus, the enslavement of elves and feral reindeer that ate one another when left alone, hahahaha!  Yes, the glorious Christmas season has been -- on television anyway -- transformed into a black dystopian feast for those of us who are either sick of the stress, or -- let's face it -- too poor to buy anything, but secretly relieved!  


Not at being poor, god no.  But of the obligation to keep up the tradition of giving stuff this one day to the people you love.  I'm trying to get rid of my beautiful things anyway, one by one or more -- I don't need to be convinced to cut back.  I just need to be convinced to avoid strangling my mate when he brings home ANYTHING FROM A GARAGE SALE, 25 cents or not.  We drown in stuff; we alone would occupy a significant amount of ocean footage with our debris, and I am ashamed.


I repent.  Now I am impoverished, so it doesn't really count, this sort of repentance.  Although I've always "reduced, re-used and re-cycled" cause that's just who I am.  It's a Mars in Virgo thing, a desire to tend the earth.  No more plastic from China, please -- even rubber duckies.  We can make our own damned rubber duckies.


So tonight was filled with drunk Santas, bleeding Santas, cannabalistic reindeer with glowing red demon eyes and every possible version of the new U.S.A. Weimar Republic Christmas, in my opinion.  So let's enjoy our freedoms while we still have them. 

I've just enjoyed the freedom to go from well-off to  poor without anyone asking me if allowing a giant ripoff by the banks was okay with me.  It damned well wasn't and isn't, and that's why I think the Christmas programs this year are so dark.  WE deserve a lump from old Black Peter (look it up) -- a lump of coal in our made-in-Chinese stockings just for being so god-damned greedy.  


The best one was a "Family Guy" episode where Stewie and Brian discovered that there REALLY is a Santa Claus, but he was on death's door and the elves were dropping dead from over-use and these terrible gruesome reindeer, as mentioned above, were  eating one another -- all because of our GREED and lust for more.  Every show had similar themes (of course, except for "The Simpsons" it was a Seth MacFarlane night) and maybe we ought to take them to heart.  On "Family Guy" they settled upon each having one present, one REALLY special present!  I think we can manage that!


We'll all get through this somehow.  One day at a time one day at a time one freaking day at a time one one one -- happy holidays, all!!   xoxox

Dear Mr. President -- August 11, 2010

Dear Mr. President,

Please watch Keith Olbermann's Special Comment on 08-10-2010.

There are those of us --YOUR BASE!! - who though we may be absolutely definitely thrilled with your Initial Charge-have wished you'd had another term as a  Senator, really learning the skill of negotiating before you put yourself and OUR FUTURES on the line. The Base are much more like the so-called "Professional Left" than you and Mr. Gibbs might think, and tired of seeing the people manipulated into forgetting WHY they elected you.  Seems as though you yourself have.


I have nothing but admiration for you but I think that you have second-guessed yourself and your Base into a hole.  We, while very much here, are not thrilled with your willingness to over-compromise.  This is deeply disturbing considering the great reforms you have made.


Every time you may make a compromise that feels wrong somehow for you/us youare modeling passivity to your people. To use conscious compromise as a diplomatic tool is one thing: to BE compromised, to BE a "tool" is quite another. Without meaning to Sir, you are beginning to have the appearance of one who has
compromised beyond what was necessary or appropriate; We the People are the Big Losers.

You could still salvage your Presidency if you would just follow your instincts; if you start to get a little fuzzy consult with Alan Grayson, Ms. Pelosi, Howard Dean, etc.  They will remind you that you will never be accepted, liked or tolerated by the GOP for any reason what-so-ever.  No 18 holes on the Golf Course for the likes of you.

WHAT IS THIS OVER-THE-TOP ATTEMPT TO "MAKE NICE"?

I hope you will make decisions that are more productive for those American like myself. Your BASE! I believe that all you will get from the Dinosaurs/GOP is a big, loud, gun toting, sneering NOOOOOO!!!!  Or to quote "John of Orange" Boehner (K Olbermann <3<3)  who screamed until the blood vessels beneath his fake tan bulged so hard he turned into a very odd shade, like a blood-orange.  Appropriate.  And what did would be "Speaker" Boehner SCREAM:  "HELL NO YOU CAN'T"

Can't what?  Can't ANYTHING, from what your base can tell.  I think the ideal of bi-partisanship is at this point in history just an ideal. I wish I could say we show any capacity for it, but I don't.

My mama always taught me that the Democrats ARE THE PARTY OF THE PEOPLE -- of the weak, sick, immigrants, children, mentally ill -- I have bipolar disorder; I can't fight for myself -- I am asking YOU to be MY President - we aren't just the PROFESSIONAL LEFT -many of us are just progressives – scared, sick, and newly poor.

I watched you roar into Office at one of the worst, the very worst times of our Nation's history -- with the Courage of a Lion, the Wisdom of Solomon, the Patience of Job -  but where's the fire in the belly?  You are one of the most intelligent Presidents we have EVER had, but your desire for gentility is not serving anyone well.

I was watching graphics showing the effects of the Stimulus on Rachel Maddow last night.  They tracked it very carefully -- as you predicted, things started very well, but since the damned GOP sat on the funds, the embers of recovery are flickering and dying.  YOU KNEW WHY A STIMULUS PACKAGE, A REAL ONE WOULD HAVE SUCCESFULLY STOKED OUR FINANCIAL ENGINE  as the so-called "auto bailout" re-energized our Dinosaur-like and doomed auto industry.

You should be taking a few victory laps about DETROIT, you should be out there talking about The Stimulus Package again -- its results, what it WOULD have been or COULD have been -- and then get in there and propose:

SON OF STIMULUS!  SOON TO BE APPEARING IN A TOWN NEAR -- ??
 
Dear Mr. President,

Part Two!  (Letters to White House = 2500 characters only - my original was more like 8000.)

We are falling far behind the Chinese and the Saudis re the Green Agenda: it is obvious that both GOP and DEM "Servants of the People" are in the pockets of Big Oil or Pharma,  hitching themselves to the pockets full of money, ignoring that we live in a time of great peril: Mother Earth will be just fine, but if YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE CLIMATE CHANGE BILL -- jump-start the damned thing again, WE will not be.

You have all the right instincts: just don't be afraid of them!  Except for continuing the Patriot Act among other things WE don't get, like Extraordinary Rendition! Old Bush-Era Violations of our Constitutional Rights -- how many, who knows?  The hits just keep on coming.

I love you, you and your beautiful family.  I am old enough to be your Auntie.  I am very very proud of you. Don't get discouraged.  We, your Base, DO want more - Mr. Gibbs was wrong in one sense, but was right in that we are HERE. It's the CHANGE message that's tattered. Hope has taken a real beating as well.  And we definitely are NOT satisfied, because we all know you have one term to do your big stuff in, keep your promises:  DADT, Mortgage Meltdowns, the whole laundry list.

UNTIL YOU GIVE PEOPLE SOMETHING that addresses their plights -- the banking/housing/mortgage thing so that the 20 - 25% of us who are in trouble with our mortgages can get real help you look like you ALL made a big, big mistake; the pricetag = the tears and fears of We the People and the tattering and shattering of our once “great” society.

Did it NEVER EVER OCCUR to anyone at all simply to pay everyone's mortgage instead bailing out fat greedy banks? Why not take care of the Aunties and Grannies? Then the banks would've gotten all the money anyway and homeowners would be ok. Seems simple; I must be missing something.

I personally have been tortured by Wamu/Chase for 18 months now. Every few months they close my file w/o telling me why-then my Rep (I have paid to have help with this "free" (just costs you your sanity) procedure which doesn't work anyway.  I have BiPolar Disorder; the stress of this has been too difficult to handle) and I have to give them the 2 bank statements, every document all over again. 18 months of this nonsense, no reports as to WHY they declined us!!  WAKE UP, MR. PRESIDENT:  Those banks like BofA and Chase have no intention AT ALL of helping out the "little people".

I was a very sickly BiPolar single Stay at Home Mom; I don't have much Social Security. Two girls raised SUCCESSFULLY - ONE A COLUMBIA GRAD, ONE FROM NYU/TISCH GETTING MASTER'S AS CLASSICAL ACTOR in London (daddy’s dime) yet because of my disabilities (too many to list) and those of my partner (autistic spectrum -- who knew??) I don't know if I will make it or not, relative to saving my own home, life or sanity.

How did this happen to me and my fellow citizens, some of us among the weakest of the weak? May there be Mercy of some sort; still the GOP has ice in their vain veins and I'm not looking in their direction.
"Defeat O" is all they have on their minds, the fools.  Bi-Partisanship means we/the
Prog-Libs get to live,although the way things are going I wouldn't bet MY life on that.


Julie Bryant